dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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