i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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