i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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