Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
