I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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