Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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