Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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