I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
