the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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