whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
They have beer where we have blood.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
