I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
