Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
