dude i'm inner monologue high
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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