WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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