I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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