someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
it's like heaven, but drunker
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
