i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
