I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
