its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
