Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
