If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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