even my farts smell like vagina
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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