I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
This girl is more easily done than said...
home. puking in laundry basket.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
