She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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