there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
