I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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