Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize