just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
