we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We have started to decorate penises.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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