I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
