in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
