he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
