i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just high enough for therapy.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
