Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
