if you like me you must not know who I am
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I don't deserve a penis
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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