Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
