so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
