This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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