Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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