Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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