I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
