so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
im holly from the hills drunk
Come see our sink grown plant.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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