I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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