god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
