My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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