So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
