Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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