It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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