I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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