if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
