I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
