I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
