he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
as a side note pls kill me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
