I want to have your abortion
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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