Non-Jews are for practice
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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