But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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