planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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