Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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