I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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