I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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