I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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