All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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