Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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