So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
