i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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