Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
