Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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