Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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