i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
