Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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