Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Randomize
